TEXAS DEPARTMENT OF CRIMINAL JUSTICE

Vol. 31, No. 2 | Fall 2026

by Diane Manley MS, LPC
Mental Health Clinician – Region III, Employee Support Services, TDCJ Victim Services Division

Grief, loss, bereavement, and mourning are often used interchangeably, especially in the aftermath of trauma or crime. Yet, each carries a distinct meaning, and understanding the differences can be helpful, particularly for individuals working in victim services and for victims themselves. When experiences are named accurately, they may become more manageable. When emotions are understood, they become less isolating. When people feel seen in their responses, healing becomes possible.

Understanding Loss: The Starting Point

Loss is the broadest of these terms. It refers to the absence of something or someone significant. In the context of victimization, loss may take many forms: loss of safety, trust, control, innocence; loss of identity; loss of a planned future; and the loss of life.

It is important to note that for many victims and survivors these losses may overlap. For example, a family member of a homicide victim may experience not only the physical loss of their loved one, but also the emotional and psychological loss of their hopes for the future, and the loss of feeling like the world is a safe and fair place.

Loss is the event or condition that sets everything else in motion.

Grief: The Internal Experience

Grief is the emotional, cognitive, physical, and spiritual response to loss. It is what happens inside a person. It may include sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, denial, numbness, anxiety, or even moments of peace or surrender. Grief is not uniform, predictable, or linear. Two people experiencing the same loss may grieve in entirely different ways.

For victims of crime, grief may feel complex as it may accompany other new physical or psychological responses, especially if there was trauma involved. These responses may show up as hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, fears, or detachment. There may also be grief related to the injustice of the situation or questions about why the crime happened.

For those supporting victims of crime, it is important to remember that grief is natural and there is nothing to “fix.” The role of the supporter is to show up and be a witness, compassionately listen, and, as appropriate, provide education or connection to resources and other support services.

Grief is the natural, internal response to a loss.

Bereavement: The State of Loss

Bereavement refers specifically to the state of having lost someone, typically through death. It is a condition rather than a reaction. If grief is what a person feels, bereavement is what a person is experiencing.

In victim services, bereavement may come with additional layers: legal proceedings, dates of remembrance tied to the crime, or other unique challenges like media exposure or heightened outside interest in the situation.

Bereavement is the state of loss.

Mourning: The External Expression

Mourning is an outward expression of grief. It is how grief is shown, shared, and processed in a social or cultural context. Mourning may include rituals such as funerals, memorials, storytelling, or personal acts such as journaling, creating art, or visiting meaningful places.

Different cultures, communities, families, and individuals have distinct mourning practices, and these practices play a vital role in healing. They provide structure, validation, and a sense of connection.

For victims of crime, mourning may be disrupted. Legal processes or investigations may delay funerals. Individuals may not feel safe expressing their grief. Others may feel pressure to mourn in a “socially acceptable” way.

Victim services providers can support mourning by helping individuals identify ways to express their grief that feel authentic, safe, and accessible. This might include asking about any cultural or spiritual traditions that have meaning for the individual who is mourning and helping identify and work through any barriers to those expressions.

Mourning is the outward expression of loss.

Resilience: Not the Absence of Pain

Resilience is often defined as the ability to “bounce back” quickly; it may also be thought of as something quieter and more persistent — resilience is the capacity to continue, to adapt, and to find meaning even when pain remains.

For victims of crime, and those who support them, resilience may look like:

• Finding moments to rest
• Showing up to a court hearing
• Setting a boundary with someone
• Speaking out and advocating for a cause
• Sharing a story or memory for the first time

Resilience does not erase grief; it walks alongside it.

Growth Through Connection and Meaning

While some individuals may experience or identify with feelings of growth after trauma or loss, it is important that this is approached with care and never imposed. Some may find meaning in advocacy or through connecting with others who have experienced similar losses; however, this is certainly not the case for all survivors of loss. For some survivors, growth may look like taking each day moment by moment and riding the waves of emotions as they show up.

How Can I Help?

Supporting someone who has experienced a loss or is grieving may look different depending on many factors, namely how close the loss survivor is to the person offering support, the nature of the relationship, and the age/development of the griever. While there are many unique cultural and circumstantial considerations, below are general tips that may be helpful for supporting someone who has experienced a loss:

What to Do

• Show up
  • Sometimes physically (being mindful that the individual grieving may need extra time for rest), always emotionally. Many grievers report that those they consider to be friends disappear (most likely because they are afraid to say or do the wrong thing).
• Approach with curiosity rather than judgment
  • Avoid making assumptions about how they are doing; gently ask or allow space for uncertainty.
• Keep the focus on the individual who has experienced the loss
  • Often, to connect or relate, the individual offering support may share a similar experience or loss they have had – it is best to keep the focus on the individual grieving.
• Be authentic
  • Remember it is common to feel uncomfortable – show up anyway and be yourself.
• Beware of platitudes
  • Instead of reverting to an old cliché, try speaking from the heart or asking an authentic question; for example – “I’m not sure what to say – how are things today?” or “What has this been like for you?”
• As appropriate, say the person’s name
  • If someone has experienced loss through death, it is okay – even encouraged – to say the person’s name (who has died) rather than going out of your way to avoid saying their name.
• Offer concrete help
  • Immediately after a loss, and throughout the grieving process, it is common for individuals to have a hard time making decisions; they may experience fatigue and generally not feel like themselves. Offering concrete help might sound like “I would love to bring you food this evening at 6:30; would you prefer Mexican or Italian?” (or any other supportive action you’d like to offer).
• Be flexible
  • Loss, grief, bereavement, and mourning look different for everyone – plans may change and feelings may seemingly come out of nowhere; try to be patient with everyone, including yourself.
• Keep at it
  • Follow up – send a ‘check-in’ text message, mail a card – a kind gesture goes a long way.

What to Say

Check in with yourself, take a deep breath, and consider a response that feels authentic — examples include:

“What has this been like for you? What is on your mind today?”

“Given what you’ve shared, it makes sense that you are feeling this way.”

“It is okay to feel whatever you’re feeling (numb/sad/angry/confused).”

“I am here to listen if you want to talk. Is there anything you’d like to share about              (the situation/person)?”

“Do you have any questions or specific things I might be able to do to support you right now?”

“What can we all do to help you              (with a specific task, at work, with the kids, with school)?”

“Thinking about you and wanted to see how you are doing today.”

Sincere expressions of kindness, care, and thoughtfulness go a long way toward creating a safe, supportive environment.

What Not to Say

Avoid any phrase that starts with the following words:

At least…

• “At least you are safe now.”
• “At least they are in a better place.”

I understand…

• “I understand just how you feel.”
• “I understand; my (child, wife, sister, etc.) died too.”

You should…

• “You should go talk to someone. I heard it is helpful.”
• “You should exercise or take walks; I did this after my mom died and it helped me a lot.”

Those walking alongside survivors can support them by offering consistent, nonjudgmental support and space to process their feelings or sit in silence.

Other Considerations for Offering Support

It may also be helpful for the individual who is offering support, either professionally or personally, to consider their own boundaries and limitations. Some things to share with the person grieving include:

• Your role - including what you can/cannot do, how long you will be available and when.
• Clear expectations related to next steps – especially if there is involvement with the justice system.
• Available resources - consider the type of loss and relevant support services.
• What to do if they experience distress - as appropriate, share the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988).

Reflections

Loss is the event.

Grief is the internal response.

Bereavement is the state of having experienced loss.

Mourning is the outward expression.

Together these concepts form a framework for understanding one of the most profound aspects of human experience.

"Grief is not just an emotion, it's an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone… the truth is you never truly 'move on.' You move with it… it is the deepest proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life… – Jim Carrey

For More Information and Support Related to Loss, Grief, Bereavement, and Mourning:

Bo’s Place
Information & Referral Line: (713) 942-8339
8:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Monday-Thursday
8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Friday
info@bosplace.org
https://bosplace.org/en/

The Dougy Center
Phone Number: (503) 775-5683
help@dougy.org
https://www.dougy.org/

Sesame Workshop
https://sesameworkshop.org/topics/grief/

New York Life Foundation
https://www.newyorklife.com/foundation